Photo: Courtesy of Keira Arimenta

Ah, opening weekend in College softball. The sun is shining, the bats are blazing, and a pitcher is wondering if the radar gun is broken somewhere because surely that strikeout count can’t be real. Let’s dive into the chaos, heroics, and stat-padding shenanigans that made the first weekend a spectacle worthy of its own highlight reel.

FAU: The Owls Are Not What They Seem

Forget what you know about owls being nocturnal because FAU has been wide awake and absolutely terrorizing opponents. Off to a scorching 6-0 start, the Owls took down three Power 4 opponents like it was just another Tuesday. Senior pitcher Gabby Sacco decided Missouri State didn’t need any hits and gifted them a no-hitter—because why not?

Chloe Yeats is allergic to outs, batting .529 with 5 RBIs like it’s her job (spoiler: it kind of is). Not to be outdone, Bella Foran hit .500 with 4 RBIs, making sure the scoring party stayed lit. The pitching staff, meanwhile, locked down opponents with a team ERA of 0.85 and a batting average against of .163. Coach Clark has FAU looking less like an underdog and more like a team you circle on the schedule and mentally prepare for.

UCF: Knights on a Quest (and Swinging Hard)

UCF went 5-1, because losing isn’t trendy in Orlando. Samantha Ray brought the thunder with a .467 average, 3 RBIs, and 5 runs. Sierra Humphreys thought, “Hold my Gatorade,” and posted a .412 average with 6 RBIs.

In the circle, the Knights’ pitchers combined for a stingy 1.23 ERA. But the real test is coming: five ranked opponents in one week. It’s like the softball version of “Survivor” — but with more dirt and less backstabbing.

FSU: The Seminoles Take a Punch, Then Punch Back Harder

FSU started 4-1, which sounds great until you realize they lost the first game of the season to No. 4 Oklahoma State. But plot twist: they crushed them 8-0 two days later. That’s the softball equivalent of getting dunked on, then returning the favor with a windmill slam.

Kennedy Harp was on absolute fire, hitting .667 with 10 RBIs, a home run, two triples, and three doubles. Isa Torres batted .500, while Katie Dack and Jaysoni Beachum played a game of “who can hit more home runs,” combining for four dingers and 10 RBIs. The Seminoles used six pitchers to craft a 1.40 ERA, proving that when Plan A doesn’t work, Plan B is just as lethal.

Florida: The Gators Are Basically a Hit Machine

The Gators are 6-0, outscoring opponents 53-8. That’s not a typo. It’s just offensive efficiency at its finest.

Mia Williams is batting .588 with three doubles, a triple, a home run, and 4 RBIs. She’s a highlight reel waiting to happen. Then there’s freshman Taylor Shumaker, who must think fences are just suggestions. She crushed five home runs and two doubles and racked up 11 RBIs. Not to be outdone, Korbe Otis and Reagan Walsh hit two homers each, combining for 16 RBIs.

In the circle, the Gators’ pitchers posted a 1.80 ERA, but let’s be honest—with that kind of offense, they could probably get away with just showing up.

Stetson: Small but Mighty

Stetson went 5-0 because apparently, winning is contagious in Florida. Gia Napoli decided she didn’t feel like making outs and batted .643 with 5 RBIs. She’s allergic to batting under .500.

FIU: Panthers on the Prowl

FIU posted a 4-1 record with two wins over Power 4 programs. Collier Peaden batted .571 with 4 RBIs, while Kally Meredith hit .500 and went a perfect 5-for-5 on stolen bases. Basically, if she got on base, she was already halfway to the next one.